For the past few years, people have been able to hook up through the Positive Connection, a website offering dating services for HIV sufferers. The service is the brainchild of Ben Sassman, a salesman living in Johannesburg. A few years ago, two of his friends told him they were HIV positive and that they had trouble dating. When they revealed their status, women invariably fled. Mr Sassman suggested online dating, but realised that existing services do not help those with HIV. So he launched www. There are an estimated 5. The government has long been criticised for not doing enough. And though South Africa now has one of the largest treatment programmes, it has been slow to get going and reaches only a fraction of the , or so people thought to need them. The website does its bit to help.
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Rosenberger, Ph. H, “available data shows that HIV epidemics among gay men and other MSM [men who have sex with men] have expanded in most low-, middle- and upper-income demographics. During his presentation, Rosenberger said that non-intervention studies have shown that, compared with non-app users, app users are more likely to be younger and better educated. Although “outness” about sexual orientation varied across studies, in all studies of men who met sex partners online, users were more likely to report multiple sex partners yet also higher rates of HIV testing.
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But his contribution turned out to be significant. The website has more than registered members today, one of the biggest of its kind worldwide, with members from Thailand to Kenya. The Johannesburg businessman, who provides stone for road building, said he never expected such a huge response. I’m happy to have done what I can. At what point do you tell somebody who you like that you are HIV-positive? He said if he told girls his status, they would run away.
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The Positive Connection was launched in September , with a successful run for the first six years and membership numbers increasing rapidly. Ben Sassman, founder of the website, said “normal” dating sites do not ask you for your HIV status, which still leaves people who are HIV positive with the trauma or stress of disclosing their status to a new date. Sometimes it is for support, just a friend to talk to in a relaxed, informed environment.
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Online, recruited via emails through South African dating site Survey online Participants who experienced childhood sexual assault were more likely to report dissociation and depression, drug use, drug use before sex, one-night stands, and recent abusive relationship. Imrie et al. Prospective cohort study Survey x4 3. Eaton et al. Jobson et al.
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Dating can be tricky for anyone, but if you are living with HIV, there are some extra things to think about. Two important things to consider are:. If you are looking for a positive partner, consider going to places online and in person where you will meet other people living with HIV. These include HIV-focused support groups, conferences, or dating websites such as www. For many women living with HIV, the big issue is disclosure. How and when do you tell?
There is no one easy or perfect way to tell someone you are living with HIV. Often, it is not how or when you tell, but whom you tell. Similarly, if a person is going to accept you and your diagnosis, timing of disclosure may not matter as long as you tell before having sex. You may wish to wait to disclose your status until after a sexual encounter for fear of rejection or embarrassment. There are several reasons why it may be safer for you NOT to do this:. Some women living with HIV find it hard to think about dating because they feel less desirable or less appealing than HIV-negative women.
It is important to remember that there is much more to you than HIV.
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But for South African native Mary, simple dating carried potentially disastrous consequences. Mary was HIV-positive and was plagued with issues of revealing her HIV infection to a prospective partner — planning for a long-term relationship when she does not know what the next day holds, and keeping a partner safe from her virus. Mary immediately signed up, and after a few months, had gotten to know two men who were in the “same situation” as her, one from the United Kingdom and the other from South Africa.
Mary’s story is just one of many that Ben Sassman, founder of The Positive Connection, hears everyday. Sassman is one of the few who dares to concern himself with the “living” part of living with HIV, and saw the need for an online dating opportunity for HIV-positive patients. In an effort to help an old friend who was in the same predicament as Mary, Sassman self-funded his own online dating service.
Since its start in , Sassman’s friend, Mary and thousands of other HIV-infected people were able to find love through his website. But instead of focusing on the physical effects of his illness, Sassman’s friend began to describe the difficulties of dating women as an HIV patient. He often felt morally obligated to immediately inform each potential date that he was infected with HIV — almost guaranteeing a rejection for a second date.
In trying to remedy his friend’s dating dilemma, Sassman suggested that his friend find someone through an online dating service.